two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
