i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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