Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
