we're blogging at a bar
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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