I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
