thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
