I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
