Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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