I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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