I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
