he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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