I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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