Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
