So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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