He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
