If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
