with your own penis?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
