glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
