woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
