Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
