Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
