In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
