I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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