I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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