I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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