I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
