I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
