OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
