none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
