i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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