The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize