I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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