I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
