I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
