just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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