yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
