corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
