he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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