Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
