wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
