i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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