just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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