sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
