1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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