guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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