i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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