my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
