You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
