I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
