So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
