I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
