I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
