I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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