Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
