He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
