I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
