I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
