I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
