a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Boobs speak an international language.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
