we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
