Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
