I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
