It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
