wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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