Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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