Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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