it wasn't lemon gatorade
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
