I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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