i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
