Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
