just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I bet he comes in French.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
