i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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