This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
