she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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