After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
